Email: Makes a bad day look much better!! -
01-22-2008, 04:47 PM
from an email i was sent
Quote:
Makes a bad day look much better!!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
> Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana .
>
> He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
>
> Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft.Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
>
>
> Hi Sue,
>
> Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
>
>> Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma wit h you to make you realize it's not so bad after all .
>
>> Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
>
> Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
>
>> What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
>
>> Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
>
> Within a few seconds my bu tt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
>
> The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it . However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
>
> When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
>
> I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
>
> Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
>
> As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
>
> The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
>
> So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
> Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
>
> May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Quality of Posts > Quantity of Posts
There is a reason I bleed red. United until I die.
I love these emails. A buddy of mine sends me some every now and again. Below are two of my favorite; the first especially. (Apologies for the length of the first, but it is rather funny)
Quote:
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. "Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
-------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted impy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
Chicago , IL (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Cook County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football Team , whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
"Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the fucking place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him" -Roy Keane on Eric Cantona
Not exactly in the same vein, but I had this sent to me
If anyone has ever had to walk someone who is technology-stupid through the most simple of steps, you'll likely enjoy this:
"Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the fucking place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him" -Roy Keane on Eric Cantona
Email: Makes a bad day look much better!!
Email: Makes a bad day look much better!! -
01-22-2008, 04:47 PM
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