[GocartMozart]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.





The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :






Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?





Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.





One student, however, wrote the following:





First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.





Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.





This gives two possibilities:





1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.





2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.





So which is it?





If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'






THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[Mark]

Arsenal Q&A Jokes



Q: At Highbury, what is the difference between the words “disciplinary” and “football”?
A: “Disciplinary” is the only one associated with the word “action”.

Q: How come Arsenal fans don’t fall asleep during a match?
A: The smell of their ground keeps them awake.

Q: How do you make an Arsenal fan’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a torch in his ears.

Q: How do the braincells of an Arsenal fan die?
A: Alone.

Q: How long has Tony Adams played for Arsenal?
A: Donkeys years.

Q: How many Arsenal players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven - one to change it and ten to play the offside trap.

Q: What do Arsenal fans do after Arsenal wins the Champions League?
A: They put away their Play Stations.

Q: What do you call 100 Arsenal supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start.

Q: What do you call a dead Gunner Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Q: What do you call a fly inside an Arsenal fans head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan in a 3 bedroom semi?
A: A burglar.

Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit?
A: The accused.

Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.

Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call the Arsenal team standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you say to a Gunners supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo.

Q: What do you say to an Arsenal fan with a job?
A: “Can I have a Big Mac!”

Q: What does a 3 pin plug and Arsenal Football Club have in common?
A: They’re both useless in Europe.

Q: What have Paul Merson and a can of Coca Cola got in common?
A: Their both red and white and full of coke.

Q: What is the difference between an Arsenal fan and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Q: What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer.

Q: What is the difference between Paul Merson and a former Arsenal player, surname George?
A: One Charlie shoots, the other shoots Charlie.

Q: What is the difference between Paul Merson and the rest of the Arsenal team?
A: One takes dope and the rest are dopes.

Q: What is the highest selling item in the Arsenal souvenir shop?
A. Pro-plus (sleep repellant).

Q: What is the second highest selling item in the Arsenal souvenir shop?
A: Horlicks.

Q: Where do Arsenal players / fans go on holiday?
A: (Answer needed, apply within).

Q: Where do Arsenal players / fans go to die?
A: (Answer needed, apply within).

Q: Why are Arsenal going to sack Wenger?
A: Because he keeps putting Seaman into the Youth team.

Q: Why did the Arsenal fan get sacked from the M & M factory?
A: He kept throwing out the W’s.

Q: Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too.

Q: Why do Arsenal fans whistle on the toilet?
A: So they know which end to wipe.

Q: Why do Arsenal men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Q: Why do housewives love Arsenal?
A: Because they stay on top for ages and come second.

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to Arsenal?
A: It saves time.

Q: Why is the pitch at Highbury so green?
A: Because they keep putting lots of shit on it.

Q: Why should you not allow Arsenal fans a coffee break at work?
A: Because it takes too long to retrain them.

Q: You’re trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.

[Rooneyvn]

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works hell, even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"